Finding My Voice In The Silence

When I was little my mom was my personal cheerleader. I remember my first day of school I sat on my parents bed, thumb in mouth, tears in my eyes terrified. My mom was busy tying my shoe laces and patting the bottom of the shoes to make sure they were secure. She huffed out a breath and looked at me with determination and said "You listen to me. If Bobbie Sue and Betty Lou can do it so can you (my mom being from the South loved using those names). You'll see. Don't be afraid and if you have a question raise your hand.Don't be shy now." Warily I looked at her not believing the hype even in my six year old mind. She grabbed my hands and said to me "Alisa, I believe in you. I believe that you can do whatever you want to do if you put your mind to it."


All my life those same words came back to me in one way or another from my mom. Encouraging me even if she was not sure I would succeed. She never gave up on me. This year my mom passed away after a long illness and suddenly my personal cheerleader was gone. The solid foundation that I had built my entire life on had been removed. Who would I talk to now about my latest fear? "Mom, I finally know what I want to be when I grow up...a writer... I never had a chance to tell her because I was too afraid. Sure she knew that I dabbled in writing poetry, I wrote a poem for the school paper once. I used to write serial soap operas in my teens. But I never had the courage to pursue it. Now that I needed her for this and so many other things she was not here for me to tell her.


It has taken me a long time to decide what I wanted to do with my life. I'm a little late in the game but here I am trying. And whether I have success or I fall flat on my face I will at least have tried. I will 'put my mind to it' as my mom always said. And hopefully I will find my voice in the silence that has filled my life since she died. Hopefully the strength, courage and determination that she tried to instill in me all those many years ago will find it's way through my writing.

So come with me on this strange and wonderful journey. The ride may get bumpy and I may even get a little lost but I am hopeful that if other writers can bare their souls, I can do it too. 


PS Thanks Mom...I finally understand.