Saturday, January 1, 2011

Julian Ayrs 3rd Annual 10 Worst-Dressed / Best-Dressed Men (2010)...Tom Brady, Adrien Brody, Justin Timberlake, et al!


 


A nod to Mr. Blackwell!








Style, it's that - not the clothes - that make the man or woman!

When a fashionista strolls into a high-profile soiree - it's important that the casual observer give the nod when a stylish mission has been accomplished.

There's nothing worse than a man-about-town - or a stylish gal, either - appearing in public like they've just been shoddily-tossed together.

Here is a sampling of folks in the limelight who pulled off the tricky task admirably - and a handful of fashion ruffians - who missed the mark by a country-mile!




TEN WORST-DRESSED MEN
(2010)


Tiger Woods



 
Though his iron reputation has stirred up a lot of frenzied attention behind-closed-doors - on the green - Tiger's beige image has left a lot to be desired in fashion circles.

 Indeed!

The publicity still of Woods featured above underscores that he's inclined to lean towards an image that's all pimp (with no primp).

No wonder the fallen golf pro seeks out sex workers (a preferred tag used to describe prostitutes and cash-on-the-barrel highly-paid escorts in Canada and elsewhere) for intimate after-hours company.

Tiger's taste runs the gamut - from boring golf "T's" and Mommy dress slacks - to khaki's and blood red Polo shirts.

Consequently, the athlete has failed to cut any distinctive swath worthy of singling out.

In a nutshell - the fallen Sports hero is in dire need of a jolt of designer juice - if he hankers for a fashion comeback.

 
Russell Brand




A male rag doll - flitting about in a riot of fashion get-ups - who can't help but trigger a flurry of stylish scorn around the country.
Brand's old "College Try" gamble amounts to fashion oblivion.

In fact - a ghastly array of off-beat fabrics, wild musings, and truckload of unsightly wrinkles and folds - cry out (rightly so) that the tired old celeb has become stylishly unhinged.


Gene Simmons

 

 
Though I admire the aging Rocker's longevity - and his impeccable taste in sexy sirens (like tweet pal Shannon Tweed) - unfortunately the almighty kiss-of-Death has a broken-down image when it comes to being a suave man-about-town.

In fact - the infamous front man for KISS (a dinosaur band from a bygone Ice Age) - tends to strut down easy street in a handful of off-the-wall ensembles that are simple and straight-forward in their lament:


"Stale!  Old hat!"


Bold attempts to spark up his "look" with a wink and a bling have fallen flat after-the-fact.


Go figure!


In goofy outfits - like those featured above - the throaty crooner ends up generating more shits and giggles than anything else worth tittering about in recent days.


Poor Shannon!

What we have here is a failure to communicate any semblance of mojo or even one sparkling fashion gene.


Hire a style Guru, Mr. Simmons!

 
David Hasselhoff



 
Judging by the way the "HOFF" wears his heart on his sleeve - the former soap stud is obviously inclined to get in touch with his feminine side - now-and-then.


As Justin Bieber might quip:

"Oh! Baby Baby Baby!"

Although adorned in diamonds and silk (and on occasion sparked up with a dollop of sexy lace trim) Hasselhoff only succeeds in sadly turning up "Hoffy" - or in the snarly alternative - plain puffy.

Boo Hoo!

Darling, it's time to fight off the inner demons.

David - handsome is as handsome does - after all.


Al Pacino




A scraggly little bird squawks out loudly.

"Heh!  Me a style setter?"

When Pacino trots down the red carpet - he does so - without an ounce of zest or originality.


Imagine that - a die-hard New Yorker - without a clue about how to stylishly feather his cap!

In fact, the celebrated actor has just one fashion reality, and it's a snap to fathom.


In sum, the Godfather's favorite son has a style gauge so out-of-whack, that it baffles the sensibilities.

Johnny Depp





 
A swirl of eccentric fashion ensembles - swimmingly underscore - that the 21 Jump Street escapee has yet to mature into a man-about-town worthy of the title.
Depp is an aimless tornado of - wild whims, strident missteps, and stylish taboos - who (not surprisingly) has been relegated to the realms of aging Lotharios in recent days.

A mere tourist, in fact, in plaid!


Johnny Boy - those self-indulgent scarfs that strangle (and jaunty hats that wobble) - should be given the old heave-ho.


Or, right to the gang-plank thee go, Mate!


Brad Pitt







Though singled out as "best-dressed" in the heady past - Pitt's collection of designer threads have been packed away in the closet of late - where they brim with dusty memories (unfortunately for his steady squeeze, Ms. Jolie).

Age may be a factor, Mr. Pitt.

On a recent outdoors splash - Pitt's "look" (knee-high kick-ass boots and leather pants) - cried out: "too" frisky.

For a fortyish male to sport in polite society, for starters!

In fact, the phrase "rough trade" sprang to mind when I caught sight of Angelina's better-half  amidst a blaze of blinding flash bulbs and straining paparazzi.



Chaz Bono



 
A surgeon's precise knife is not always capable of transforming a hefty female into a virile man-shape - replete with movable parts - in a bold-faced effort to effect a mucho-macho image.

Sadly - Cher's offspring Chaz (aka Chastity) - has underscored the undeniable fact splendidly.

On Bono - lesbian-style suits, a Supreme Court Justice's conservative blousey-style shirts, and sensible shoes - hammer home the point with certainty.

A quick gander at Mr. Bono - and his current lover - dredge up the obvious and the curious.

Cher's darling son is obviously a femme butch with an definite leaning towards a demented Mother fixation.


Surely - the fact that Chaz's girlfriend looks a lot like the Cher - hasn't escaped my reader's observations!

Who knew?

 
Prince Van AnHalt




 
Riding Boots and new-fangled off-the-wall takes on leather suspenders (Larry King eat your wife out) scream out B-list fashion alien.


Tweeds, bulky sweaters - even plain-Jane baseball caps fashioned in bulls-eye red - single out the fact without question or doubt.


Zsa Zsa should get wise for a number of reasons, if not just for the sake of appearance.


Invest in a Chauffeur's monkey suit, darlink!


Then, the old Royal (?) could double as both driver and Male escort.

 
Billy Bob Thornton

 


 
Screw-ball fashion quirks extend way beyond the make-shift layers - and resonate in confusion - when die-hard fans and film buffs alike catch a glimpse of Billy bonkers in fashion action.


If there is one endearing personality flaw - well - what is it?

Billy is a clothes-horse eccentric with no taste, for starters!
 
Regis Philbin



 
An aging show-biz trooper who got "old".

Rege?

The seasoned (salt & pepper clown) is stuffy and fussy and - just betcha - probably smells of hand-soap when encountered in the round or in the mensroom .

And, there's plenty in the round underneath there, to be sure .

Star Jones must have gifted the whirling dervish - with a bargain-basement packet of "Old Spice" toiletries for X-mas - don't 'ya think?

In view of his salty demeanour?

Splash it on lightly, Philly baby!

Larry King




A hodge-podge of unfashionable wardrobe silhouettes - where wide & dreary starched suspenders on vivid solid-based backgrounds - scream out for the Fashion Police pronto!

No wonder the persistent gent (from a golden heyday) got the hook from picky CNN Network Brass.

The men in suits at the studio probably uttered up sound advice when the pink slip was issued too.

"Larry!  You've got a great face for radio!"

 
Ten Best-Dressed Men
(2010)


Mark Steinnes





Mark sports sharp stylish suits, correctly-knotted silk ties, and flaunts nifty flourishes to spark up his distinctive "look".

His casual attire tends to be fresh, breathes with zesty enthusiasm, and bolsters a trim muscular physique.

The Entertainment Tonight front man is a fierce contender - therefore - for top dog broadcaster on a Nightly Entertainment magazine show.

Because of a flair for the sensual that attracts women - one is inclined to wonder aloud - is the manly cutie gay perchance?



Johnny Mathis






A mature man (70's) who continues to dazzle his fans on stage and off.

In fact, Johnny exudes confident chic in well-coordinated ensembles (elegant sweaters, understated dress slacks, cool top-of-the-line windbreakers) that resonate with timeless appeal without fail.

At the local market - Mr. Mathis squeezes the fruit and vegetables for freshness - along with the likes of moi and down-to-earth neighbours.

Uh-huh.

No man is an island!


Justin Timberlake





A fop and fashionable celebrity - comfortable in his role as an influential clothes-horse - for starters.

By the way - jaunty hats, eye-catching vests, and trend-setting mainstays are coordinated expertly - too.

Each stylish step forward is about to culminate - and ultimately - open the door to a signature collection of designers clothes.

A little bird told me!


Usher





For a Pop Icon, Usher is surprisingly on top when it comes to controlled fashion clashing.


Layered looks are especially flattering on his trim lean frame.


In fact, Usher boasts a stylish versatility most dudes would be wise to warm up to at home - or abroad - wherever.



Denzil Washington




Comfortable in - leather, jeans, and sweaters that all hug the bod snugly - Denzil is obviously the envy of less-fortunate fellows.

When the occasion calls for it, he'll don a pricey suit, with accessories that spark up the look.

Never over-the-top - he's an actor's actor - with a keen sense of style worth adopting.



Ryan Seacrest





Ryan has a flip outgoing personality - typical of those on the DJ circuit - with an extra dash of fashion savvy to boot (classy).

Though wise to the all-important image - and and ever-mindful of appropriate etiquette in career environs  - Seacrest is also capable of letting-loose after-hours in appealing with-it wardrobe choices that compliment his still-youthful spot-lighted persona.

No fashion disaster lurking in the wings to topple this fella!

Justin Bieber





Though just a teen - always-confident "Bieb" struts into the limelight - with a lot of flair and noticeable fanfare.

Why not?

The kid's got the world by the ba**s!

An eclectic mix of - Hollywood glitter, street-wise fashion smarts, and red-carpet musings - have catapulted the talented young heart-throb into the dizzying realms of fashion darling status.

Striking a provocative pose - while strumming a guitar - didn't hinder the lad's ability to launch his sizzling hot career into the stratosphere either.

Chic jackets in buttery-smooth leather - teamed with eye-catching tee's etched in sensual free-flowing patterns and sturdy quality shoes - are his signature style.

But, in recent days, stylish adventures have signalled the lad may be a fashionista to reckon with.

Heh, take Abercrombie & Fitch notes, Jonas brothers!



Jimmy Fallon






Boyishly dapper! 

A flirtatious host - instinctively keen about drawing an all-important invisible line between a man and his castle - and the boys in the band.

In addition, Fallon continually demonstrates a knack for mixing-and-matching - especially when it comes to tricky monochromatic hues that render a posse of ambitious dudes SOL at the finish line.

A Court Jester of sorts - who not only knows which side of the bread to butter - but the cost of jam in the scheme of things.

So, the perky talk-show host smartly spiffs up, when on-camera.

A leader of the well-heeled pack - sure to reach loftier social climbs - and ultimately realize the good life!



Tom Brady






Having a super model on his pumped-up arm hasn't hurt Brady's image or crimped his style - that's for sure!

And - any tips on fashion offered up - have obviously not fallen on deaf ears.

Although the handsome grid-iron celeb has wandered - from season-to-season - he's managed to avoid fumbling the ball or becoming a spectacle in the coveted limelight.

The popular quarterback is at home in designer jeans (he fills 'em out well), chic leather jackets, and casual T's.

But, is also a style maestro to reckon with, at any social event or red-carpet event.

Tailored dress shirts, elegant ties, and delightful manly accents - bootstrap Tom up - with fashionable ease.


Adrien Brody




When it comes to style the Oscar-winning actor has it in spades.

High-end casuals in rich colors and exotic fabrics - crafted by designers of note in the U.S. and Europe - are a shoe-in for Brody who has become known as a clothes-horse.

If only the backers of his films would pay up so he can afford to play the fashion game!



Special Category

 
Best Un-Dressed Man

Jake Gyllenhaal



Taylor Lautner - while buffed and a sexy toy-boy cut-out - didn't land a nod for the special Best-Dressed Un-Dressed category.

Nor could Ryan Gosling - though a pretty male cutie (a trifle skinny in some departments) - who didn't bother to throw any caution to a producer's wicked on-camera whims.

Jake Gyllenhaal - without much sweat - nabbed the title of the "Best Dressed ' Un-Dressed" due to his seductive surly presence in not one - but two - revealing celluloid offerings:

"Love & Other Drugs" & the "Prince of Persia".

As the Elvis lyric goes:

"A hunka-hunka burning love!"

I'd cast the stud as - houseboy, gigolo, or International jet-set playboy - at the drop of a jockstrap!

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