Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Julian Ayrs 3rd Annual Worst-Dressed / Best-Dressed Women!






A nod to Mr. Blackwell!





Style, it's that - not the clothes - that make the man or woman!

When a fashionista strolls into a high-profile soiree - it's important that if the casual observer spots a definite "look" pleasing to-the-eye right off-the-bat - that they give the nod when the stylish mission has been accomplished.

There's nothing worse than a man-about-town - or a stylish gal, either - appearing in public like they've just been shoddily-pieced together.

Here is a sampling of folks in the limelight who pulled off the stylish task admirably - and a handful of ne'er-do-well fashion ruffians - who missed the mark by a country-mile!



Ten Worst-Dressed Women
(2010)


Lindsay Lohan






A rehab Queen with a fussy fashion flair - often topped with curious feathery strands of luscious fly-away-hairs - that cry out for ward-robe and make-up handlers to storm in from the sidelines for emergency repairs!

Lohan is capable of transforming a simple cocktail dress into a signature number, though, and often pulls the nifty trick off with little aplomb provided traces of magic dust don't call attention to a habit of the hard-core druggie variety.


Lindsay, rages on!

But, in the final analysis - quite a few of the threads amount to tasteless K-Mart specials - that underscore her penchant for bargain-basement notions that ultimately bind her down.


Diane Keaton




Old-hat Keaton - brimming with stale accessories - continues to flash forward with Woody Allen reminders that spell toxic nostalgic memories of a tired (oh-so-Geritol-laced) yesteryear.


Being as comfortable as an old worn shoe doesn't amount to a hill of has-beens - or even manage to cut a fine swath in the wardrobe finery scheme of things - Diane!


Egads!


Bristol Palin






A pioneer woman (you betcha) attempting to conquer bell-weather trends in a gaggle of dicey silvery fabrics straight from the moonshine shacks of a foreboding "North to Alaska" hell.

Not mucho pot luck, eh Bristol?

The bizarre body-sheath featured above fails to flatter the former ABC Disco Queen's figure (is that what it is?) for a handful of nonsensical reasons!

If 'ya haven't got it, then don't try to flaunt it, darlink!


 
Rihanna





A misfit in a windstorm who can't make up her trendy mind!

The Pop Diva is a riot of jazzy colors and off-the-wall high-tech synthetic fabrics (tisk ! tisk!).

The tiresome - details details details - bog the wannabee Siren down into near-stylish oblivion.

On the way to becoming last year's best flavor???



Mary Tyler Moore




A matronly glance at the past which has succeeded in demonizing a campy potato sack offering while rudely tossed over an out-of-shape body politic.


Oh, Mary!


In the shocking attack on fashion (captured above) - too many wraps and sashes and unsightly giggling gnashes - have ended up hiding once-pretty pair of shapely legs.

Likewise, the little distractions creep over once-perky heavenly boobies with fascination, as slow as Molasses in January!


Joan Rivers







A walking-talking "k-vetching" QVC kiosk ready to explode at the witching hour and devour!


Talk about a carpet-bagger!

Joan, where did you scoop up that flowery number, masquerading as a designer couture frock?


Just maybe, it was a once-glorious table-cloth or left-over curtain, scooped up from a fanciful re-run lifted from the still-hilarious Carol Burnett Variety Show?




Chelsea Lately




The B-list talk-show hostess (without the mostest) touts Madonna hand-me-down bustiers - replete with tacky stressed-out infrastructures - that triumphantly underscore the merits of squirreling away a couture designer gown or two for future red-carpet emergencies (even at the cost of a pretty penny).

What kind of white-trailer-trash are you?

Well - no pulses are racing - honey!


Star Jones






Heh, baby!'

Your persona is about to be shuffled aside by a big "black hole".

OMG!

I'm betting a little moolah (with the emphasis on moo) that it might be "O's" hefty whirl-wind entrance - onto a snazzy competing Cable Network's airwaves - that's about to push 'ya out of the limelight!


Star, you have more chins - and celestial cellulite bodies - than Saturn has stellar heavenly rings or Carter's amassed in little liver pills.

Nikki Blonsky





Deck the halls with a myriad of floating budding beading patterns!


Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Is that a night mask at your waist (that you're waiting to slip on) or a belt you're about to maneuver by dumptruck just so - to hide all the flubbery flab- honey bun?


Fashion is capable of being utilitarian, but this takes the cake, I fathom!



Snookie





Snooki reminds me of a rump roast, trussed up, ready to be carved up by a pack of ravenous sex-hungry Jersey macho studs! 

Missionary position, please!


The outfit featured here is not fashion - it's a designer sheet - waiting to happen.



Ten Best-Dressed Women
(2010)


Helen Mirren





Ms. Mirren is risk-taker and a stylist's breath of fresh!


Again and again, the sexy Senior trots down the carpet - continually wowing the envious teaming masses!

Kate Middleton





Though I was inclined to feature Ms. Middleton's "coming out" frock - it occurred to me that I should address a side of Prince William's fiance - that is adventurous and terribly with it.

In the Royal Court, the Royals will be turning their noggins, in wondrous fascination.

Halle Berry





The former "Bond" girl is a knock-out - even with next to nothing on her flawless appealing skin - for starters!

Halle has a grab-bag of fashion tricks sure to keep her on top.

Meanwhile the competition on the carpet falls down and goes boom.

They should take some pointers!


Carey Mulligan




Sweet, elegant, and chic - the pretty Brit knows how to turn herself out in the quick - and snap up a bevy of prized Statuettes in the aftermath as she catches her glorious sexy breath!


Michelle Obama





Golly, Michelle Obama underscores that she really "cleans up" nice! 

Though, often inclined to sport outfits according to formal (or ceremonial occasions), sometimes Obama's better-half takes a splash - and in the process - makes my fellow Americans sit up and take notice.


Kirsten Dundst





All the curves and allure of a legendary siren underscore why the tony elite continue to do Ms. Dundst' bidding.

Nonetheless, Kirsten slyly manages to fit right in on the red carpet - at the Golden Globes, the Oscars, or a premiere movie opening - without appearing too showy or pushy!

Natalie Portman

"The Black Swan" opened doors wide - and now the high-profile Portman - is the center of a Hollywood whirlwind!
On the carpet or off, Natalie holds her own with the best of 'em.

Expect she'll be turning out in some nifty "outfits" for baby that will cause a heady new trend!






Liza Minnelli




A feminine fashion approach is best for Liza - boas that don't constrict, and feathers that soften the look of her skin - are best choices.


A striking persona who dazzles when she saunters into a soiree.


Talk about stealing the limelight! 


Salma Hayek




Salma is able to trade off her dynamite "sensual appeal" in high-fashion knock-outs (couture gowns) with elegant slip chic elegant ease.


Ah, she exalts scintillating eye-catching flourishes. that underscore her Divine shapely figure.

Taylor Swift

"You get me," Ms. Swift has oft screamed from the stage

Uh-huh!

The Country & Western Beauty is a fashion plate (darlings) - capable of charming from the get-go - when she strolls out on the stage and strikes up a catchy musical or fashion chord.





Special Category

Best Dressed / Non -Fashion Statement


Lady Gaga

Environmental statements, Monster exaltations, and ballsy sensations all rolled-into one!
 
In the surprise end scenario, Lady Gaga's wild showy bark, underscores she's truly a one-of-a-kind Yankee-Doodle Darling.

Legends are made of these, poker face!




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