Never To Repeat The Same Mistakes.

After a failed relationship,
i warned myself to never repeat my previous mistakes.
I try so hard, but still i do.
That's when i rely too much on you.

I know i shouldnt, but i can't help it.
I'm not independent.
I even depend on you when it comes to simple things like buying food with me.
seeing you every day, talking to you every night,
all these have become a habit.

Now that you want me to be more independent,
its like asking a person who has been relying on wheelchair all along,
to stand up and walk without any support.
that's how difficult it is to me.

I should have been more independent from the start.
without you, at least i still had friends.
then, all my time started revolving around you alone.
&what seemed to be termed as friends, started to drift away.

Now that i have to be independent,
who do i look for?
i don't want it to seem as if i'm using others as a substitute.
and yet, i know i can't survive alone.


Why can't i just be independent?
why can't i just spent a day without seeing you?
why am i always relying on others?
why can't i fucking rely on me, myself&I?
why must i be so weak, so useless, so lousy?
when will i ever learn?
all i do is cry.
with endless tears rolling down my face and yet i fucking can't do anything to help myself.
why?